you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
