glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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