btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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