So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
