FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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