That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You're so nebulous sometimes
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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