Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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