I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i think my cat just said my name.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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