Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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