where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
