I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
