...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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