Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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