so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dear god my vagina.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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