Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
