so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
