last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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