I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
