so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
