I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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