Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
