john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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