I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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