Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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