Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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