im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
