beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
