what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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