I think I died a long time ago.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
