I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
