The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
