did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
