I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
