i don't like sucking hair
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
two words...techno handjob
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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