I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
