Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
