you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
