I wish I only lived at night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
