Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
