What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
