Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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