You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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