Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
