Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
