I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
