I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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