My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
