I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
