Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
