One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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