I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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