fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Best friends brother. Beat that.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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