He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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