my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
