I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
