Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
