She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
