At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
