so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
